Pansexual. Transgender. Autistic.

I'm on the fence, because on one hand, i'm 30, i live a whole state away from my parents, i see them at most 5 times a year, they don't really know anything about me other than where i live and where i work. (and, how many speeding tickets i get bc my dad likes to "check" on that sort of things. :):):)  ) so on this hand, it really doesn't affect my life in any way if they do or don't know.

OTOH, not telling them means when i do visit or call, i'm constantly censoring myself. there's whole swaths of my life that i can't talk to my mom about. and, if my mom reacts badly, it could be the final nail in the coffin that takes me from low contact to no contact. (i say mom here, because, honestly, she's the only parent whose opinion even slightly matters. i only actively call/visit her, any contact with my dad is incidental)

and like, i kinda tried to tell my mom i was trans like...a decade ago, and she responded with the verbal equivalent of "la la la i can't hear you" so i'm not holding out a lot of hope it would go well.

idk. I feel like it shouldn't matter and i shouldn't care but i do because keeping quiet about it feels like i'm lying and erasing my existence as a queer person. I guess i'm just not sure if i want to take that leap of possibly leaving my mom alone with him, even though logically i know it's 125% Not My Problem and she's an adult but old habits die hard ig.

i came out to my parents because i was transitioning and i knew that if i didn’t come out they would be confused as to why my physical appearance and voice were changing 

i came out to my them because i had nothing to lose in the sense that i was no longer dependent on them in any way prior to coming out 

i came out to my parents because i wanted to be called by my real name, my real pronouns and my real gendered terms that were accurate to my real gender 

i was also, quite simply, tired of being closeted, tired of feeling like i had to hide myself to appease them 

it wouldn’t have been a big deal for me to lose them if they hadn’t accepted me because i didn’t want to interact anymore with people who didn’t accept me 

i didn’t come out prior because my parents had power over me and i also didn’t feel ready to